Feeling pretty heartbroken and lucky.
A close friend of mine friends child passed away last night. Their little girl was born premature and at a little over 2 pounds. She spent three months in the hospital, and they finally knew she wasn’t going to make it. They took her home to spend whatever time they did have left with her finally in some privacy. She passed away the next night.
I’m not sharing this heart wrenching story to bum anybody out, but to share as an appreciation for all the enormous amounts of love such a tiny little being can create.
I feel so fortunate that my son and soon-to-be step daughter are so healthy and bright. I can only hope that I, as well as any parent, will not experience outliving their child. I can’t even imagine what sort of pain that family is going through.
It is the strangest feeling to feel as if your life is not your own.
I have always been on my own in some sense. A life of freedom, spontaneity, and excitement.
All I feel now is as a replacement. A new stand in for someone’s same life cycling a new love in and out. I’m not used to feeling as just a passenger.
To be the next in line hurts me deeply. To have no friends (even within a reasonable traveling distance) other than used up acquaintances of a recycled relationship. Nothing to excite me outside of the walls of home, or texts from very long distance friends.
I’m not sad. I’m not unhappy.
It’s just a life I will have to get used to.
how do you know where to draw the line between gut instinct and paranoia?
It’s been a minute or two.
And I’ve decided to attempt tumblr again because with all the changes going on in my life, I could use a place to rant/vent/share with fellow bloggers, friends, and moms.
Well, since I last left this Internet world, I moved from Denver, back to Florida, and then to Missouri. Drastic changes. I miss life in a big city.
I’m in love. To be wed in a few months.
I gave birth to my son, Easton, on December 9th. The best/scariest day ever.
I will post more details on all of these things!